Don’t Be a “Nice Guy” on the Sideline, Get in the Game

Anonymous asked:

Why do girls care about guys who don’t care about them?

I answered:

Some possible reasons: low self-esteem, poor relationship models, inexperience dating, or maybe the guy is just really good looking.

Now to get to the question you are really asking: “Why is a girl I like dating a guy who doesn’t treat her as well as I think I would?” Right? I’m not calling you out, the reason I could decode that is because it is a thought and phase that most guys who tend toward being a little more introverted have dealt with. Girls deal with those feelings too, by the way.

Here’s the thing brother: the sooner you let go of that kind of thinking, the better. That whole “Nice Guy” complex is the way to bitterness and unpleasantness. Being nice does not entitle you to, well…anything, least of all someone dating you. You’re supposed to treat people well, that’s not something that raises you onto a different plane that means members of opposite sex should be falling at your feet.

There are a number of reasons that that girl is dating the guy who you think isn’t good enough for her, but one of the main ones is: he asked. For all his other possible shortcomings, he stepped up and took a swing. If you think you have more to offer a young lady, and you very well may be right, then you need to get in there too.

I totally agree with you that young ladies deserve to be in relationships with guys who are going to treat them amazingly. I also believe in you, that you have the potential to be an awesome boyfriend to someone. But, no boyfriend scout is going to see you going through your day and just bequeath a girlfriend upon you. You have to take some initiative here. 

And, lest I be accused of supporting stereotypical gender roles, ladies, same goes for you. If you think you and the object of your crushification would be amazing as a couple- freaking tell them that! Sitting around feeling angry that someone picked another option doesn’t fly if you never presented yourself as an option. 

The worst they can say is “no”, and then you can get over them and move onto someone who agrees that you bring something to the table.

-Matt from The Bridge

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