What would you say about not telling someone your feelings (going to the same church) in order to avoid potential drama within the church?
I going to assume that by “feelings” you mean romantic feelings. I have never heard of a church split because someone asked someone else out for coffee. Nor have I ever heard of someone getting turned down for a date and literally dying of shame. So exactly how much drama could we be talking about here?
When you put off doing something, it tends to grow and grow in your mind. And, if you are of a certain type of mind, the list of things that could go wrong will grow and grow in both number and severity. I certainly have that kind of brain where, if you give me long enough to think about it, I will come up with a scenario in which this thing, which is in reality no big deal, will lead directly to the death and destruction of us all.
Believe it or not, people ask people out every day. Apparently not Christians because somebody thought kissing abstract concepts good bye was a smart idea- which has lead to a generation of people being scared and confused by their own perfectly normal feelings. But it happens everyday, and drama erupts pretty rarely all things considered.
The key here is to make sure you’re dealing with mature people. If someone can’t deal with being asked out without kicking off drama, then why would you want to date that person in the first place?
Now, it does need to be said that you can do your part in keeping things less dramatic. “Telling someone your feelings” is probably not the way to go here exactly, meaning that you don’t want to tell them all your feelings all at once. They need to know that you like them, and that you are interested in getting a cup of coffee and seeing where things go, they don’t need to know about the pictures they have been mentally photoshopped into on the dream wedding pinterest board. Honesty is good and necessary, but immediate overshare jumps the line from honesty to creepy pretty quickly.
Dating is a process by which you get to know someone. That is a good thing. You can’t just jump in all at once with a torrent of feelings at someone. So if you take it one step at a time, and make a point not to mess around with immature, dramatic people, you can keep the drama to a minimum and move forward in a way that makes you happy.
-Matt from The Bridge