What to Look for in a Mentor.

Anonymous asked:

As an engaged christian couple how can we prepare for the practical stuff of marriage, like learning to live together, making decisions and figuring out sex. Most people I ask only seem to paint this picture that everything will be perfect and there will be no problems and everything will work perfectly all at once. Thank you for all the awesome advice you already give!

I answered:

You are already on the right track. When you are trying to learn about how to do something complicated, that you really want to get right- the answer is to find someone who is doing it well, and pump them for every answer, tip, and trick you can get. The real trick is finding someone who is doing the thing, and willing to be honest about what it takes to get it right.

As listeners of the Say That podcast are well aware, I am not married. I have, however, had the good fortune to be around several people who have awesome marriages that I plan to rip off someday. There is a whole array of personalities, communication styles, goals, and other things represented there, but there is one thing that they all have in common: they put in the work. 

Marriage is hard. It takes just about everything you have to give to make it great. Anyone who isn’t willing to admit that fact out loud is probably not someone you want to be taking advice from. 

When looking for a mentor in anything, don’t look for the person with the most status or the shiniest exterior. Look for the person who is doing the thing right. The people on stage may not have the best marriage in your church. It might be the old couple who volunteers in the church nursery together. It might be the young couple who helps out with the youth group. 

You don’t want to copy people who make it look like something. You want to copy the people who are doing something. The big smile and speech about what a blessing it is, and just pray and read your bible and everything will be easy is not going to get it done. Strategic advice on how to get through the tough times from the people who have survived it, that is what you should be on the lookout for.


-Matt from The Bridge

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