How Important is Physical Attraction in Dating?

Anonymous asked:

How much does physical attraction matter in a relationship? As a Christian, I want to date and marry people who are attractive but often times I feel shallow because I do. If there are two potential dates both with similar personalities, is it wrong to want to get to know the more attractive person more?

I answered:

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 

A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” -Proverbs 5:18-19.

That is in the Bible!

I point out that verse to say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your partner. That is an important aspect of a relationship. It is not, however the whole thing. You should be attracted to your partner as a person, physically, intellectually, and their personality. Relationships are hard. One area can’t plaster over the cracks in the other.

Another thing to note is that there is a huge difference between wanting to be with someone you are attracted to and wanting to be with someone who “is attractive.” Our culture would have you believe that there is only one body type that is considered attractive. That is not the way it is. Everybody is attracted to something a little different, and being taken with the other aspects of someone can actually lead to you appreciating them more physically. 

As we say in the south: there is a lid for every pot. No matter what you look like, someone is going to dig what you are bringing to the table.

One last note about physical attractiveness- time affects everyone. If you choose a partner based solely (or mostly) based on how they look at 18, or 25, that is probably not going to end up well. 

You should not feel like a bad person for not wanting to be with someone you aren’t attracted to. That is perfectly fine. Just make sure that you are basing your decision of what you find important and attractive, not what you think you should.


-Matt from The Bridge

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