This probably needs a girl answer, but: there’s this guy I like. He loves God so much, and I’m so attracted to that and his heart to serve. The thing is, he called another girl beautiful (in front of me, not her). But this girl most likely likes him as well. However, I’m not jealous. I wish the best for him since the girl he called beautiful is so kind and so amazing, and perfect for him. But regardless, I’m pretty sad because I wish I could be with him. What to do to get over this? Thanks!
This isn’t a gender specific issue. At the core of your situation is a problem that plagues all types of people: trying to act Christian about everything. There is no surer path to to confusion, repression, and misery than handling every situation in life by asking yourself “what is the most Christian-sounding thing to say here?” You have to deal with how you actually feel before you deal with what you should do. If you base your actions on how you should feel, the whole thing will come crumbling down eventually.
Look at the language in this question.
“He loves God so much, and I’m so attracted to that and his heart to serve.” It’s good that you are attracted to that, but it’s also okay (and good) if you are also attracted to his sense of humor and the way he looks in a nice fitting pair of jeans.
“However, I’m not jealous.” Oh, friend; no one believes you when you say that. The natural human reaction to someone else dating the person you like is jealousy. If you don’t acknowledge that feeling, you can’t move past it. It’s like when someone says “oh, no. I’m not mad.” You know two things: they are mad, and it is going to explode at some point down the line.
Feelings are neither good nor bad. Feeling jealous about this situation does not make you a bad Christian. However, if you don’t address that feeling, and let jealousy call the shots in your life, that gives the devil a huge foothold. Denial is bad for your heart.
The biggest problem with trying to act maximum strength Christian is that we go on our own assumptions of what it means to be a Christian, instead of asking God what He thinks. Normally, that assumption lands on niceness.
You seem to be naturally assuming that the Christian thing to do is to step aside and not make any effort to go try to pursue a relationship with this guy, despite that fact that he didn’t say he wanted to date this girl, he said she was beautiful. Those can be different sentiments. You think she “most likely likes him.” Well, you know for a fact that you like him. Does that not mean as much as her maybe liking him?
I’m not saying that God definitely wants you to date this guy, but I’m not sure He is clearly saying you should bow out either. The best advice I can give you is to stop worrying about what the most Christian thing you can feel and say are, and focus on how you really feel. Then you can take that to God in some real honesty and get wisdom from Him. You can also get wisdom from other people, but again, you have to go to them with what’s really happening. Once you acknowledge how you really feel, it will be much easier to move on, if that is what God is telling you to do.
If you act Christian and keep it all repressed, you are always left with a sense that you did everything right and it didn’t work out. That is a dangerous thought, and not true. You were doing what you assumed is right, not what God told you is right. That difference is all the difference.
-Matt from The Bridge
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