How do you know that you are worth being loved by another human being? I know that Jesus loves me, but I don’t feel that I measure up to what the guys around me are looking for. I want to be myself, but that hasn’t worked out so well for my non-existent dating life. It is tempting to try to conform to what other women are like and how they act, but then I don’t feel true to myself. What gives?
See what christian dating books hath wrought.
You are worthy of love. I have presumably never met you, but I can safely guess that you are a person with a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. You are probably also a massive pain in the butt sometimes and have a ton of weirdness about you. Guess what? So am I, so is everyone else. All people are works in progress and acquired tastes.
There is no such thing as the universally beloved person, so don’t drive yourself nuts trying to be that. Whatever super hot actor or musician you think anyone would kill to date, they have been dumped multiple times. God, author and creator of love, says you are lovable. I, who am very wise, say you are lovable. Case closed, you are deemed worthy of love and romance and satisfying smooching.
The real issue here is that you have been lied to about dating. Somewhere along the line, you got the message that if you are a good enough person, someone will come along and sweep you off you feet. So many movies where the main character’s big personal breakthrough is punctuated by their love interest finally agreeing to be with them. They have now reached a level where they deserve to be kissed while the music swells. Heck, the message of Sleeping Beauty is that if you look pretty enough, eventually a charming rich guy will come along and kiss you.
That is not the way the world works. There is not a direct relationship in how good a person you are and how many people want to date you.
You are absolutely right that even if you did put on a persona that all of a sudden made you irresistible to all the guys around you, that wouldn’t make you happy. Being loved for being someone you are pretending to be is a horribly depressing thing. If your real goal is to have a happy marriage where you are loved for who you are, you have to be in the practice of being who you are.
So pretending isn’t the answer, and just trying to get more awesome isn’t the answer because you are already quite sufficiently awesome. So what is the answer? It is being an active agent in your own dating life. If none of the guys in your social circle are interested (How are you sure they aren’t interested if you haven’t asked?), time to look elsewhere. A dating site, a singles small group, volunteering somewhere, any number of places.
Clearly your dating status is bothering you. That sucks, but it is easier to fix than you think. You just have to put in some effort and get in the game.
-Matt from The Bridge