My fiance and I are struggling physically but setting boundaries until marriage. We are hoping that our struggle with sexual immorality will be over once we are married. I’m just wondering if there is such a thing as sexual immorality inside of a marriage outside of like infidelity and pornography?
First of all congratulations on keeping your boundaries. Scientists have long theorized that if one could harness the sexual tension between engaged Christian couples, it would solve the world’s energy needs in one fell swoop.
As people who listen to the Say That podcast are constantly reminded, I am not married. Luckily, scripture has some pretty straightforward answers on this topic. We tend to think of sexual immorality as a list of things you are not allowed to do. A better way to think of it is acting in a way contrary to what God wants for you. It is possible to do that in your sex life within marriage as well as without.
Lust is a problem even once you are married. In fact, in the sermon on the mount, Jesus says that lust is immoral because it is committing adultery in your heart. So obviously, you can do that when you are married as well. You do not stop noticing other people are attractive when you get married. Just like when unmarried, lust is an issue to be addressed, but it is not a big scary monster sin.
Another aspect of married sexuality that can be immoral is withholding sex from your partner. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, Paul says “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time,”
Again, sexual immorality is living your sex life in a way that is contrary to the way God wants you to live it. Seeking God’s will for areas of your life is a life long process, one that Jesus walks alongside us through.
-Matt from The Bridge