So i am in a long distance relationship with this guy. I’ve known him since we were kids but we decided to get intimate when he left for school. We are both christians. We want to keep a healthy relationship but both of us are busy and lately there has been less communication. We really want to make it work but we are starting to drift apart. I don’t know what to do.
All relationships take effort to be successful, but long distance relationships take even more.
You make a sharp incite that you have been communicating less, and that is what is leading to “drifting apart”. You have to reopen those channels of communication. Communication is critical to any relationship. The thing about long distance relationships is that you have to be extremely intentional about it.
If you live in the same town and are around the same people all the time, you are going to have a lot to talk about. You will also be presumably hanging out a lot, and conversation will arise naturally as part of activities. When two people have very separate lives, it takes more effort to find those topics of conversation; and you have to have more intentional conversations.
It may help to do something like reading the same book, listening to the same podcast, or doing the same devotional. That gives you a jumping off point, and has the bonus of helping both of you grow in your walk.
In the end, it comes down to putting in the work, which is true of any relationship. You have to make the skype call when you don’t feel like you have anything to talk about. You have to take a few extra minutes to put a card in that mail. You have to fork out the cash for a plane ticket. None of these things are complicated, but they make a huge difference.
Lastly, you have to give yourself permission to admit that this isn’t working for you. That may lead to wanting to change the way you two handle things, or it could lead to ending the relationship, or taking a break. Plowing ahead in a situation that isn’t working is not necessarily virtuous. Sometimes you give it your best shot and it just isn’t a good fit, and that’s okay.
-Matt from The Bridge