So I’ve heard a good thing to do to prepare for relationships while you’re single is to work on getting past insecurities. While that makes sense to me, at the same time it seems sort of… impossible. I mean know everything is possible with God, but it still… Do you mean a specific type of insecurity, like physical, emotional, spiritual, etc? And how do you know when you’re truly past them? If you have a day where you just feel really ugly does that mean you’re not really over them?
It’s true that working on getting past your insecurities is one of the best things you can do for your future relationships, and for yourself in general. You are also right on to point out that you need to line out exactly what is meant by that.
Everybody has insecurities, that is just a fact of being human. What takes someone from having insecurities to being an insecure person is whether or not they allow their insecurities to dictate reality to them.
Let’s take your example. You leave the house one day feeling like you look like death warmed over, and a guy you know says “you look cute today”. You have two choices: either accept that he thinks your natural beauty overcomes the sweats and messy hair vibe and say “thank you”, or just assume that is impossible explode in a breathless rambling 3 minute diatribe about how ugly you are and how no one in his right mind would ever be attracted to you. Letting insecurity drive the bus will lead you to that second option, which will lead to people slowly backing away from you.
Overcoming insecurity is about 2 things: identity and humility. You have identity in the Lord. He says you are forgiven, accepted, useful, and lovable. Overcoming is about letting that identity define you instead of your insecurities. It takes time, but it comes much easier the more you do it. It also takes humility to accept what God says about you over what you feel.
Insecurity is a version of narcissism, which is the opposite of humility. Insecurity always brings the focus back around to you. There is no action or word someone else can say that an insecure person can’t make a comment on them. Humility is willing to let something not be about you, which allows you to serve your purpose in something the Lord calls you to.
Insecurity is conquerable. That doesn’t mean never doubting yourself again, it means going on what God says instead of what you say about yourself. It means accepting that God has more amazing things for you than you would claim for yourself.
-Matt from The Bridge